Ken Ham, president of Answers in Genesis and Creation Museum barker, is the creationist response to the equally annoying blow-hard of atheist circles, Richard Dawkins. They both write a lot of books, give a lot of talks, and are terribly impressed with their own opinion. One big difference, though, is that Mr. Ham has tickets to sell. Currently in the fund-raising phase of his Young-Earth Creationist theme park centered around the Noah’s Ark of Genesis, Mr. Ham penned an opinion piece for Time’s online entity about the newly released bible-based epic, Noah, from director, Darren Aronofsky.
After reading his review, we, at Red Ink, were much surprised that such a scholar of biblical texts as Mr. Ham would deliver such a one-sided analysis of a film with so much potential for discussion and debate among skeptics and believers, alike. In the interest of academic rigor, Mr. Ham, let me fix that for you..
![Female Armor BINGO (downloadable PDF) by OzzieScribbler (yours truly)<br /><br /><br /><br />As a special present for Bikini Armor Battle Damage first anniversary, I present to you: Female Armor BINGO!<br /><br /><br /><br />Feel free to use as a reference to quantify how ridiculous any female armor is.<br /><br /><br /><br />edit: Updated the link into downloadable PDF!<br /><br /><br /><br />Breakdown of all the squares under the cut.<br /><br /><br /><br />[[MORE]]<br /><br /><br /><br />For the record: the game refers to the context of wearing skimpy “armors” for battle (any other context, like cosplay, is excluded)<br /><br /><br /><br />Bikini/lingerie shapedLet’s just say that an outfit designed like this doesn’t deserve to be called “an armor”.<br /><br /><br /><br />Random patches of skin uncoveredReally disturbing when otherwise full-cover armor has random holes through which we can see (and easily damage) boobs, stomach or thighs.<br /><br /><br /><br />ThongIt would be stupid enough to use thong as underwear while going into battle, an armor with thong-shaped bottom half is just absurd.First of all, metal wedgie, OUCH. Second, your bare ass is possibly the best target ever.<br /><br /><br /><br />No head protectionThis problem usually applies to both genders, as many designers fear that character’s identity will get obscured. But once there are helmets, there’s a big chance they’d get defaulted as part of male gear. Because women aren’t women if you can’t see their hair, right?<br /><br /><br /><br />Looks nothing like the male version of the same outfitIf they’re supposed to be the same item, they need to have something in common. Doesn’t mean that they can’t be gendered in reasonable ways.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sharp ornamental edges that can pierce skinGranted, male armor tends to have ridiculous amounts of spikes too, but it appears that only women wear those directly on their skin, even though it’s potentially self-harming.<br /><br /><br /><br />CleavageBecause boobs aren’t there unless you can clearly see the cleavage. Who cares if it invites enemy to aim at your heart?<br /><br /><br /><br />Looks like a bra, gives no breast supportOnce there’s a bra/corset shaped part in the armor, it should at the very least function like an actual bra. Yet it barely ever does.Boobs just float in the air and once jiggled they go back to one place all by themselves. Outfit is there just to cover the nipples.<br /><br /><br /><br />High heelsRepat after me: “No one in their right mind wears high heels for battle. No one in their right mind wears high heels for battle. No one in their right mind wears high heels for battle. High heels are too fucking uncomfortable and unstable to fight in them!”<br /><br /><br /><br />No underwearRelated to Metal pieces worn directly on bare skin below. One would expect the bare minimum of padding under armor to be the basic underwear. Guess when the armor itself looks like a bra and panties it serves as underwear itself.<br /><br /><br /><br />Boob windowWhen a cleavage goes one step further and takes the shape of unnecessary hole over the boob area.<br /><br /><br /><br />Skin-tigh metalThe outfit, being an armor, is supposedly made from metal, but latches onto the wearer’s skin like a latex suit, or better yet: bodypaint. Bonus points to chafing if it’s chainmail.<br /><br /><br /><br />BoobplateBreastplate doesn’t need to be “fitted for female form” with twin bulges to put your boobs in. They actually weaken the armor in significant way. There are quite a few excellent articles on that matter.<br /><br /><br /><br />Thigh-high bootsPeculiarly female-exclusive part of costume design (men in the same costume tend to get knee-high footwear). Boots so tall don’t seem particularly comfortable, and definitely not easy to put on. And if they’re made of metal or hard leather, as armor should be… good luck with moving in those.<br /><br /><br /><br />Nipples that poke through metalSomehow the skin-tigh metal is so tigh that erect nipples show though it. Either that or the boobplate was molded with them. Creepy either way.<br /><br /><br /><br />Bared backMarginally less prevalent than Bared belly (below), but still very popular way of turning warrior lady into an easy target practice.<br /><br /><br /><br />Covers only nipples & genitalsWhat’s… the… fucking… point…<br /><br /><br /><br />No pantsBecause nothing says “this character is definitely not male” than taking pants from them… and leaving them just in a g-string or a loincloth at best.<br /><br /><br /><br />Bared bellyGoes naturally with bikini-shape, but many other designs feature inexplicably uncovered midriff as well.Why should we protect this part, anyway? It’s not like there are squishy vital organs inside or something, right?<br /><br /><br /><br />CameltoeSkin-tigh outfit taken to the logical extreme… We already overemphasized the character’s breasts with boobplate, let’s take it one step further and make the outline of her vulva visible thanks to skin-hugging panties.<br /><br /><br /><br />Metal pieces worn directly on bare skinAll kinds of armor need a lot of padding!Even if a well-crafted chainmail doesn’t chafe, even if breastplate is comfortable, they will be of no use in fight unless something is worn unbeneath!Armor itself protects from slashing damage and redirects blows, while the padding absorbs the impact which would otherwise cause serious bruising or even internal bleeding.<br /><br /><br /><br />Almost naked for an adventure in cold climateSo not only is she fighting dragons in a bikini made of metal (or in this case, maybe fur), she does it in the middle of ice-cold tundra!Her people are immune to frostbites, you say? Funny the same-race guy somehow has a fur jacket, then. Seems legit.<br /><br /><br /><br />More metal used on boots/gauntlets than to cover vital organsIn the reality of life-or-death situations limbs are expendable. Deal with it.You can live without an arm or leg as long as your head and torso are intact. But apparently arms and legs aren’t as “sexy” as boobs and belly, so they get to be thoroughly covered more often by female armor.<br /><br /><br /><br />UnderboobRelated to the Looks like a bra, gives no breast support above.Sometimes known as ‘reverse cleavage’, it’s when boobs defy their own anatomy and the laws of gravity and stay perky at all times, even though there’s no support for their lower part and they should dangle freely.<br /><br /><br /><br />More advanced the armor = skimpierOh Skimpy High Level, the bane of many roleplaying systems. Where’s ANY logic in that? Nothing about this implies that high level armor is more protective. It breaks willing suspension of disbelief even if we accepted the existence of armor bikinis.<br /><br /><br /><br />Special thanks to everyone who agreed to consult me in creating this game! Ami from eschergirls, Tica from repair-her-armor, Ryan ‘Jabberwock’ C., Jenny Islander and many of my friends who want to remain unnamed. Your revisions were a big help!](http://24.media.tumblr.com/78a329ca1420b48c40ca8e0748f4c1e9/tumblr_n1s2pjSXYN1s755fuo1_500.png)
